When You Realise You're In Love
by dcmasters
Summary: Tis JAM! More of a summary as the story develops. Sensitive issues involved. This fic contains female/female relationships - you have been warned! xx


_Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, unless otherwise stated. The characters are from ITV1 Drama "The Bill" and are the property of TalkbackThames and Freemantle Media._

_Author's Note: This story contains female/female relationships. If this is not your type of fic then please read no further. You have been warned. If you do choose to read, let me know what you think by reviewing if you want me to continue. Enjoy! Kylie xx_

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It was another lonely, sleepless night, nothing new really. It had been like this for weeks now and it seemed there was little the brunette could do about it. She knew she looked a mess at work, and knew they could all tell. It was partly her own fault, no it was her fault, it always would be her fault. She just wished she had the guts to tell someone, do what she preached, talk about things, let someone be there for her, maybe even allow herself to cry in front of someone. How could she when she seemed to have forgotten how to do that herself, forgotten how to express anything except anger and hatred. That was why she had been suspended earlier that day, again her blonde superior's wishes, she couldn't help it, after all the order came from above her head. The blonde had even seemed move concerned than normal, or maybe that was how she wanted it to appear, wanted to be confided in.

Why did her head always confuse things more? It wouldn't have been so bad except for the fact she had now dressed herself and had began to make her way to her superiors, at 3am. Her hand casually knocked on the front door, not that she had the energy for more contact between her hand and the door anyway. Jo slumped against the exterior door frame slightly as she waited for the door to be answered, if she'd even been heard.

Closing her eyes momentarily, she opened them again quickly and stood back up as she heard the lock on the other side of the door being clicked. As the door opened, Sam looked up at Jo, still half asleep and in her pyjama's and dressing gown.

"Jo?" she said, a croak in her voice, "Is everything okay?"

"Sorry, I... I don't even know why I came round... I... I'm sorry I disturbed you," Jo managed, turning back around to leave.

"It's okay, you've woken me up now, you might as well come in and keep me company cos I'll never go back to sleep now," Sam said, watching as Jo turned back around to her, a guilty look on her face.

"Sorry," Jo said, stepping inside as the blonde stood aside, finding her way into the living room and sitting down exhaustedly on the sofa, exhaling loudly.

"So, what can I do for you at this hour then?" Sam enquired.

"I... I don't really know... I've not slept properly for weeks, and with everything that happened today, I... Oh, I don't know..."

"What's up Jo?" Sam asked, "You haven't seemed your normal self for about three weeks now. Talk to me, let me help."

"It's not that simple," the brunette replied, "It's... complicated... hard to explain..."

"Take your time... I've got hours, its my day off..."

Jo felt the guilt consume her once again, not only had she disturbed Sam in the middle of the night, but also on the only morning the blonde would have had in weeks to sleep in.

"Jo..." Sam said softly, placing her hand on Jo's lightly, which she quickly pulled away, concerning the blonde.

"I'm sorry," the brunette managed, beginning to get somewhat upset, "I just... needed some company I guess... I know we're not exactly close, but I... I didn't know where else to go..."

"Hey, its alright," Sam said, embracing Jo as she began crying heavily.

About five minutes later, Jo released herself from Sam's arms and wiped her eyes, looking away from her superior. Sam gave Jo a sympathetic smile.

"What brought that on?" she asked softly.

"I... Its all my fault Sam..." Jo replied, "I should have seen it coming, I should have known what was going to happen, I should have done something to prevent it, to stop it. But I just felt so helpless and scared, and I..."

"Jo, what are you talking about?" Sam asked, "Is this about a case?"

"No... I... I should have done said something... I just didn't know who I could trust."

"You know you can always trust me Jo."

Jo nodded briefly. "I... I was raped," she admitted, tears falling from her cheeks again.

"Oh Jo," Sam replied sympathetically, as Jo's head rested against her shoulder. That was the last thing she'd thought she'd ever hear from her subordinate, "What happened? Was this a girlfriend of yours?"

"No... I... I just hated every minute of it Sam, the way he touched me, the way he made me feel..."

"That must have been so horrible Jo, I'm sorry," Sam said, putting her arm around Jo, rubbing her back slightly, "When did this happen?"

"Three weeks ago," Jo said weakly, "I never reported it, I couldn't... I was too ashamed, it was my fault anyway..."

"It wasn't your fault Jo, I know you well enough to know that what happened wasn't your fault."

Jo cried a little heavier, her head slipping onto Sam's lap as she slowly cried herself to sleep, coaxed by the soft, gentle strokes of Sam's fingers against her cheek, trying to wipe away some tears at the same time as comfort the brunette.

Sam smiled a little at Jo as she realised she was asleep, and placed a blanket from the back of the sofa over them both. She sat thinking for a while before the temptation to sleep slowly succumbed her.

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_What did you think? Want more? Review and let me know:) xx_


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